On the heels of Too Much Whiskey Tuesday, Tired As Hell Thursday, Fuck It Friday, and Sadly Sober Saturday, I bring you…

DOG IN A STOCKING SUNDAY!

Chiquita the Banana Dog

Do you find it cruel that I would force a tiny dog into a stocking? Face it: it’s stupid and cute, so obviously it belongs here. Not to mention the fact that it’s seasonally appropriate. And then there’s my favorite justification: it’s payback for the loss of sleep this little bundle of fur-joy has caused me in the last few weeks. Chiquita came to me after being passed from a co-worker who got her from another co-worker, who got her from somebody, who got her from someone else, who got her from someone who got her from the pound. She needed a home, and I felt like taking her in could only manage to help me in my quest to become a crazy dog lady. For the first few days I thought, “How could someone possibly give up this sweet baby? She’s so adorable and just loves to cuddle!” Oh, and she’s also INSANE.

First off, I’ve never seen a dog eat so fast. It’s actually the closest thing to vacuuming up food that I’ve ever witnessed. And she’s always hungry. I’m pretty sure that if I ever fall in the shower and crack my head open and die and no one notices for weeks (a constant fear for anyone who lives alone…or perhaps it’s just me), she’ll be the first to gnaw on my leg. Chiquita also refuses to sleep in her crate, and I’m pretty sure she delights in waking me up at 6:45 every morning–even if we just went to bed at 4am like we did last night (and by “waking me up,” I mean that she either starts barking in a very annoying and yappy way, or she pounces on my head). She has tiny little needle teeth, and she seems to find them best suited to the shredding of my t-shirts. She may look precious, but Chiquita is pure evil. And for that, she gets stuffed into a stocking and photographed for my amusement. Behold my wrath!